Four Things About Me :)

1. I wear my hair up everyday. No kidding, every single day. Sometimes I pin my bangs back and floof them up and some days they hang down. But the hair is always up. If I'm going out I MIGHT wear it down, but by the end of the night, it's up.

2. I wear size 10 shoes. And I just bought myself these puppies to wear this summer (gotta look German and everything)...

3. I have a cat (Lucy), a bunny (Sheldon), a dog (Sadie), and three fish (Jasper, Yellow Fish, and Orange Fish) for pets. I live in a zoo.

4. I could not live without a DVR. I love watching LOST, Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, Glee, Law and Order: SVU, Criminal Minds, and The Simpsons. I hardly ever watch live tv.

So, there you go. Head on over to Aspire and check out the awesome giveaway going on. I just found her blog and I really enjoy reading it!

Five Question Friday

Time for Five Question Friday! Head on over to Mama M's blog and check out her answers and everyone else's!

1. If you could, would you go back to high school?

-I have only been out of high school for a few years. I enjoyed it, but no, I don't think I would want to go back. I can't imagine sitting in class for 8 hours a day, no thanks.

2. If a genie appeared and granted you two wishes, what would they be? (And, no saying "more wishes".)

-1. I wish I could have my B.A. degree, like, yesterday. And preferably with no loans to pay off.

2. I wish I could magically weight my preferred weight. A girl can dream.

3. What kids show do you secretly like?

-I really love Arthur.

4. What is your beverage of choice?

-Coke, water, juice (except grape), chai tea latte.

5. What is something that you would change about yourself (or are working to change in yourself)?

-I would like to change the way I look and I would like to change the fact that I am judgmental.

Meet Sadie :)

Who am I?

Today was my third appointment with my therapist. She's really nice and I feel like we can make some progress on getting me to feel better about life. She asked me to journal about who I am. She said, "if someone was writing a newspaper article about you, what would they write?"

I've got nothing. I used to have hobbies, I used to be passionate about things, but not anymore. If someone wrote about me it would sound like this, "She's lazy, loves to sleep, skips school (and is therefore unsuccessful), and she's not motivated."

I think it's pathetic and sad that my life has come to this. I'm not passionate about anything, I don't have any hobbies, and I don't ever do much. I think I need to look at my life and reevaluate how I am living. Of course I'm not motivated if nothing drives me. I'm off to think. I need some drive, some passion in my life.

Screw You Eyjafjallajokull

Stupid volcano. Stupid, stupid, stupid. My favorite little boy M and my aunt were supposed to arrive in MN tomorrow but their flight from Düsseldorf was cancelled. I'll see them in June, so it's not a huge deal to me, but the rest of the family won't. They haven't been here since August and it sounds like they can't even book a flight for this August (it's full). So, Eyjafjallajokull, Fuck you. You're on my shit list.

the newest family member...

Meet the new pup. She looks old in this picture, but she's only 4 months. She still doesn't have a name, any suggestions?? :)

So excited.

In 10 days I get to see my favorite little boy, my cousin M! He's coming to visit just in time for my birthday :) (pardon the lovely picture of me...)

Five Question Friday

This is my first time EVER doing Five Question Friday with Mama M from My Little Life. Go check her out. Seriously. Go. She's a fellow Minnesotan and she's pretty funny :)

Alrighty, here goes nothin!

1. Who would you want to play you in a movie of your life?

Well, I don't really care who plays me, but Josh Holloway could play my boyfriend. I wouldn't mind that. I guess I would want me to play me. I know the most about my life but I would really hate being in a movie. How about we skip the movie?

2. Did you ever go to summer camp?

I used to go to a bible camp every summer. I was really close with all of the girls who went and my counselor (just a girl who was a 5 years older than us). It was so much fun, but my counselor turned crazy. She made us feel really guilty about everything that we did, it wasn't healthy or normal. So, I stopped going. That whole situation also turned me away from church in general. Maybe someday I'll get the courage (and the urge) to go back. But not right now.

3. What sends you running and screaming in the other direction?

Spiders, ish. Also, if I meet someone and they brag about all of their drinking stories I back away slowly, then run in the other direction. I don't want people like that in my life. I don't think drinking stories are impressive and it really turns me away from people.

4. What is something you do that drives your spouse nuts?

Spouse, boyfriend. Same thing, right? Anyways, I suffer from short term memory loss (or so I think) so multiple times a week I'll tell him a story that I have already told him. "Yeah E, you've already said that". I think it really irritates him.

5. What is currently your favorite song?

Hey, Soul Sister by Train and Breakeven by The Script. Tomorrow it will be Lil' Wayne, though.

Whew, that was pretty easy. Hope you enjoyed it!

Long time, no see.

WARNING: This post is going to be throw up. I am going to write whatever comes to mind, so bear with me. I won't hold it against you if you don't finish it :)

You know what sucks. I'm failing two classes. I could fail a third, but the professor is awesome and understanding. He's working with me to get everything finished and I am so thankful for him. The U needs more professors like him! The other two classes are TERRIBLE. I have been so sick and tired lately that I haven't been going to class. Not going to class= failing. Makes sense. I emailed the professors and they basically just said that I should retake the class at a different time to get a better grade (I can retake the class and my new grade will override the old one and the new grade will be reflected in my GPA, the old one won't be. The old grade will still be on my transcript though). I don't know if I can do anything about this because I have been sick, but I'm meeting with an adviser soon, so I will find out. I also had to cough up $600 for tuition today because it wasn't covered with loans. Sweet, I love dropping wads of money.

I've seen two psychologists this week. One focused on my personality traits and showed me a graph saying that I need socialization to be happy. Makes sense because I'm a very social person. He said that when I don't socialize, I'm not happy. I need connections, relationships, and encouragement to thrive, and I'm not getting that. He told me to try and plan something for everyday, make my calendar full. This sound super exhausting to me (and a little nerve wracking to be honest) but he said that's because I haven't been social in so long and now I'm not comfortable doing it. He also told me that working as a Personal Care Attendant is not the idea job for me. I don't have any coworkers (only one person works at once), so I don't get the socialization that I need at work. I may be on the job hunt, but it kills me to leave the pay at that job, no matter how much I hate it. Money or happiness??

The other psychologist just took the time to get to know me; asking lots of questions and trying to figure out what has caused this downward spiral. She thinks that if I set very tiny goals each week and accomplish them that I will feel more encouraged and happier. This week my goal is to go on a ten minute walk (at least), five times this week. Told you it was tiny. Just getting outside raises my mood and helps so much. I have another appointment with her next Wednesday so well see what's next.

I used to be on Lexapro but my doctor though it was causing my sleepiness, so for the past month I have been on Wellbutrin. Oh my. This past month has been terrible. Every five minutes I find myself holding back tears. I am ready to cry at any moment. I busted out in tear during The Simpsons. THE FRICKEN SIMPSONS. No good. I have cried every night for the past month. My tear ducts are exhausted. It has also made me have a very short fuse. I get so angry at everything. I feel so bad for my family, they have to put up with me! So today I put a call into the doctor and he switched me to another kind of medication that I will start tomorrow. I can't remember what it is off the top of my head (I don't have the prescription yet). I am hoping that this will make me feel less on edge. I have been miserable. I feel so bad for the people close to me.

On a positive note, my brother Nick (who is a few years older than me) has been sober for over 5 weeks and he is almost done with his treatment program! I am so proud of him. I cannot even begin to imagine how hard it would be to give up the largest thing in your life (for him it was alcohol). Addiction is a crazy thing and I hope that he has beat it. I love him so much and I really want him to be happy.

So, there's my rant. That's why I haven't blogged for so long. I'm such a bad blogger, sorry guys! I'll really try to be better. I promise! If you made it this far, thanks :) I appreciate your time.