Thursday, April 8, 2010

Long time, no see.

WARNING: This post is going to be throw up. I am going to write whatever comes to mind, so bear with me. I won't hold it against you if you don't finish it :)

You know what sucks. I'm failing two classes. I could fail a third, but the professor is awesome and understanding. He's working with me to get everything finished and I am so thankful for him. The U needs more professors like him! The other two classes are TERRIBLE. I have been so sick and tired lately that I haven't been going to class. Not going to class= failing. Makes sense. I emailed the professors and they basically just said that I should retake the class at a different time to get a better grade (I can retake the class and my new grade will override the old one and the new grade will be reflected in my GPA, the old one won't be. The old grade will still be on my transcript though). I don't know if I can do anything about this because I have been sick, but I'm meeting with an adviser soon, so I will find out. I also had to cough up $600 for tuition today because it wasn't covered with loans. Sweet, I love dropping wads of money.

I've seen two psychologists this week. One focused on my personality traits and showed me a graph saying that I need socialization to be happy. Makes sense because I'm a very social person. He said that when I don't socialize, I'm not happy. I need connections, relationships, and encouragement to thrive, and I'm not getting that. He told me to try and plan something for everyday, make my calendar full. This sound super exhausting to me (and a little nerve wracking to be honest) but he said that's because I haven't been social in so long and now I'm not comfortable doing it. He also told me that working as a Personal Care Attendant is not the idea job for me. I don't have any coworkers (only one person works at once), so I don't get the socialization that I need at work. I may be on the job hunt, but it kills me to leave the pay at that job, no matter how much I hate it. Money or happiness??

The other psychologist just took the time to get to know me; asking lots of questions and trying to figure out what has caused this downward spiral. She thinks that if I set very tiny goals each week and accomplish them that I will feel more encouraged and happier. This week my goal is to go on a ten minute walk (at least), five times this week. Told you it was tiny. Just getting outside raises my mood and helps so much. I have another appointment with her next Wednesday so well see what's next.

I used to be on Lexapro but my doctor though it was causing my sleepiness, so for the past month I have been on Wellbutrin. Oh my. This past month has been terrible. Every five minutes I find myself holding back tears. I am ready to cry at any moment. I busted out in tear during The Simpsons. THE FRICKEN SIMPSONS. No good. I have cried every night for the past month. My tear ducts are exhausted. It has also made me have a very short fuse. I get so angry at everything. I feel so bad for my family, they have to put up with me! So today I put a call into the doctor and he switched me to another kind of medication that I will start tomorrow. I can't remember what it is off the top of my head (I don't have the prescription yet). I am hoping that this will make me feel less on edge. I have been miserable. I feel so bad for the people close to me.

On a positive note, my brother Nick (who is a few years older than me) has been sober for over 5 weeks and he is almost done with his treatment program! I am so proud of him. I cannot even begin to imagine how hard it would be to give up the largest thing in your life (for him it was alcohol). Addiction is a crazy thing and I hope that he has beat it. I love him so much and I really want him to be happy.

So, there's my rant. That's why I haven't blogged for so long. I'm such a bad blogger, sorry guys! I'll really try to be better. I promise! If you made it this far, thanks :) I appreciate your time.



Yay! I'm excited to see that you're back to blogging! I kept checking back to see if you had done a new post lol! I'm sorry to hear that you've been so sick! I'm hoping that you start to feel better soon. Since spring is right around the corner, your walks should be nice! I love the fresh new smell of spring and I love watching the grass get super green and the flowers bloom..soo great! Oh, and how exciting for your brother (as well as you)! That is such a great accomplishment. How cool is it that you got to watch him walk through the whole process!!!!


Thanks Laura. I saw that you were visiting and I was like "ohhh I should post something for someone to see". I love the spring and I am so EXCITED to just get outside and enjoy it! It's so interesting to learn about his addiction and help him through it. I'm so proud of him.

Michael Shawn Keller

Laura, the best two things that I found to help me when I am down in the dumps are singing (humming while walking, doing the dishes, working...) and HUGS! A hug is the best medicine for everything! And give your bro one too, five weeks sober is a great achievement. I have been sober for almost two years and feel like a new person. Let him know that yesterday doesn't long as we do better today than yesterday then we are on the right path.
Thanks for posting so honestly,

Michael Shawn Keller

Eurika sorry I typed fast and was reading Laura's comment and called you her (lol) Have fun!!


Thanks so much Michael! That means so much. I read my brother your comment and he appreciated it :)